…poem I made for RICO.

28 06 2008

This is the letter I sent him. this would be the very first and last time I’d say what I really feel for him. There’s no reason to stay. There’s no reason to keep holding on. I’m letting go…  (help me God)

Too many times I tried to run and just walk away

Too many times I’ve seen myself crying without you knowing,

Too many times I tried to fight it,

Too many times I’ve asked myself how and why,

Did I fall for someone who can never be mine?

Too many times I denied and lied about it,

Too many times I made myself believe that it can never be true,

Too many times I tried to just forget about it,

Too many times I played games with my mind,

But never did I win the battle.

Too many times my heart wanted to despise you,

Too many times my brain wanted to let go of the memories,

Too many times my lips wanted to curse your name,

Too many times the whole me wanted to refuse you,

I don’t know why can’t I, maybe because….

Too many times I wanted to let you know,

Too many times I spoke you name, you just don’t know,

Too many times I strayed from the truth, because it hurts,

But no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do,

My soul still longs for you.

Too many times I held on, because that’s what you wanted me to do,

Too many times I thought I could wait,

Because my forever CAN’T BE FOREVER without you,

The thought of losing you breaks me. Yes, it kills me.

But I guess, this is what LOVE is.

I don’t know how many times,

All I know is that, I’ve done all of these countless times,

Countless cold, lonely and sleepless nights,

Thinking of letting you go, is hard as hell,

Makes me just wanna fly away and lose the part of my memory where I met you,

Just to let go, to let go of you.

I’ll only say this once,

Just to be fair to myself and so I could breathe,

I LOVE YOU. SO MUCH THAT I TOOK ALL THE RISKS,

That I didn’t care what others would say,

That I didn’t care if you’ll not love me back,

That I never ask for anything in return.

I love you .You just don’t know how much.

I’ve been keeping this inside myself…

But now is the right time to break the silence, and to say the things I’ve never said.

…….For the past 9 months I have been in this situation where I choose to fall – I’ve tear down all my defenses just to be with you.

If I won’t tell u all of this, how will you ever know?

Remember when you first asked me if I love you, I was too scared to burst my emotion – I love you and what I feel for you is real.

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